At the start of November, just after the Scorpio New Moon, I wanted nothing more than to start calling in all the good stuff. I had just spent the summer months moving through intense personal challenges around self-worth, self-confidence, and self-love. I thought I was done with all that shit and finally moving on. So I picked up four prosperity meditations, added in yet another practice to clear blocks and invoke abundance, and began doing them all daily. The prosperity flowed forth essentially immediately, which I somewhat expected as I know these practices work. They’re like any other vehicle to get us where we want to go - we just have to put in the energy. What I didn’t expect was to come face to face yet again with issues of self-worth. Every time the self-doubt would surface, I would deflate, feeling like I was forever stuck in this horrendous cycle and shouldn’t I have figured my shit out already?
Of course, as Pema Chodron says, “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” So I put my ego in check and dug even deeper. Why were these feelings surfacing when I was experiencing more prosperity and success than ever? I realized, with much meditation and long walks, that I was simply pushing through my own boundaries, my own beliefs, my own limitations. And it was scary, but so rewarding.
I find that everyone has their own brand of money issues. Mine stem from a disjointed childhood in which my father was incredibly wealthy yet extremely frugal, while my mother was certainly well-off but often concerned about having enough. I can remember my father and grandfather saying countless times throughout my childhood, “When I visualize my money, I see it all in a tin bucket. Anytime I spend even a single dollar, that money leaves the bucket and I can never get it back. I can put new money in, but I will never get back the money I already spent.” This belief system in particular really stuck with me, combined with the scarcity mindset I picked up on my mom’s side, and I’ve been creating my reality around these beliefs ever since (as much as I wish that wasn’t true). For me, it came down to two things: my low-self worth and my fear of spending.
Ever since I was about sixteen, I was hyper-aware of my youth. For a young girl growing up in a culture that celebrates youth, I was always scrambling to escape it. I wanted to be perceived as mature, wise, and secure, which at that age translated to wanting to look older. Even now, as my twenty-fifth birthday is on the horizon, I am told all the time that I look like I’m eighteen. For many, this comment would be a compliment. For me, it feels like I’m being looked down upon. It translates to naiveté, or stupidity. Ultimately, this whole complex makes it difficult for me to set my own value as a woman, teacher, and healer. I worry that, because I look so young, others will see me as someone who isn’t worth listening to. For almost two years, I’ve been pricing my products and services for much less than they’re worth because I feared that others wouldn’t see their (or my) value. This wasn't even something I would allow myself to see - it wasn't until a client told me sternly and repeatedly that I must raise my prices to match my energetic service that I even began to consider what I was doing. Even now, as I plan to raise my prices come the New Year to reflect their true worth, I find my ego attempting to drop a fear-bomb all over my internal landscape. It says that no one will want my products and services at a higher price. It reminds me of every flaw and shortcoming and tells me that I’m not really worth it. Gratefully, for the first time in what feels like forever, I can see clearly that these fears don’t serve me because they aren’t the truth.
Of course, my fear about others spending money on me also stems from my issues about spending my own money. It’s that damn tin bucket visual that pops into my head each time I’m about to make a purchase and says sinisterly, “You can never get it back.” And so, I’m reluctant to let it go. What does this accomplish? It effectively puts a cork in our flow of energy (or abundance, or prosperity - whatever words resonates most with you) which means that we have less energy going out as well as coming in. Money is the most widely-recognizable form of transferring energy in our society, so this translates to “less spending = less earning”. There is a definite reason why we call money currency, as in an energy current. We must practice with keeping the energy current open, clear, and flowing through both giving and receiving.
“Your normal process of life is to not give; not giving yourself a chance, not giving to others. You do not believe in creating a vacuum. When there is a vacuum, God must fill it. I'm not saying that you are poor. But you could have more. Giving is the way of the rich—giving services, giving expertise, giving work, giving to others to get blessings, giving something for prayer, giving to the needy.” - Yogi Bhajan
When we spend our money, we are literally creating space and energy to receive that which we are paying for. If we look for the cheapest option, we will always receive less from it because we have created less space to receive it. When we give away our products and services for free, we have robbed our clients/customers the opportunity to create space to receive what we’re offering. Which is often why they are less likely to get something out of it. We live in a society that promotes cheaper as better, so it’s no wonder we all feel so damn unfulfilled. I have to hold this truth dear and remind myself of it daily as I step into my power and raise my prices: I am allowing both myself and my clients/customers the opportunity to receive even more from my products/services. This is how we create more abundance for ALL.
In gratitude for your gorgeous love and support, I have elected to offer my products/sessions at the lower rate through the end of the year. Come the New Year, my One on One Sessions will become more focused and varied and the Frankincense Beauty Balms will receive new packaging to better protect the life-force of the alchemy and improve the overall experience. I am so excited about these shifts and can’t wait to share more with you all! All my heart.