A Perfect Journey

I have always said that my Sadhana “challenges” are just for fun. Not to diminish the power of a daily practice, but to say that there are more important things to focus on in life than hitting a forty day, ninety day, or one-thousand day practice checkpoint. However, I can also be really hard on myself — it’s a subconcious thought/behavior pattern that tells me I’m a failure, or that I’m not good enough. In April, I had a nasty head cold that left me bed-ridden and unable to breathe out my nose for days straight, making my pranayama practice impossible. Then, as the sickness faded, I found out I was pregnant and the nausea + fatigue sat in. I did my best to practice some semblance of my Sadhana for the next eight weeks, but felt worse by the day. At that point, I hadn’t yet given up my weekly class or my client practice. I wasn’t even really present for my Sadhana anymore — my body so tired and my mind so foggy that I was 100% phoning it in. All so that I could add another day to my count. I even had to go to the Emergency Room one evening because my nausea was so intense that I was unable to eat or drink anything for almost twenty-four hours. Still, everyday I would see that growing number. The bigger it got, the more afraid I was to stop. So I kept phoning it in for the sake of my ego. One evening, as I lay down to sleep, the realization that I hadn’t practiced yet that day. I wanted to jump up and go practice, but my body begged me not to. Luckily, in the quiet of night, I was able to let myself listen to the whisper of my heart, asking me to S L O W  D O W N, to stay in bed, to allow myself to rest because the truth is: I am growing a whole human inside me! It’s no easy feat. 

After that, I struggled with feelings of failure and shame. How can I inspire consistency, commitment, and devotion to daily practice when I let my own slip away? I had reached 484 days of consecutive practice. Would I ever be able to reach it again, especially with a baby on the way? I felt like I could never share it with my clients, let alone my entire community. I saw myself as a total fraud. 

And yet, I knew exactly what I’d tell a client who was going through what I was. So after letting the feelings of shame and failure bubble up and pass, I reminded myself that 484 days is a heck of an accomplishment. I reminded myself that it was just for fun; that the number wasn’t really the end-goal, but rather a tool for me to get even more invested in the journey. I reminded myself that I hadn’t lost anything, that the experience I had was mine forever. The self-mastery, wisdom, and understanding I gained was not only still there, but had deepened through the experience of dropping my daily practice and surrendering myself to what was most needed in the moment. 

 photo by Austin Ferguson

photo by Austin Ferguson

Moving forward, I see that perhaps a twenty-minute poem recitation isn’t the most conducive to the transformation my life is taking on. I still interact with the sound current daily, but have decided to select a new daily practice that can be as short as three minutes and as long as sixty-two — this way, I gain flexibility and will no longer absolutely require twenty minutes each day. In six months, when I’m caring for this gorgeous soul outside of the womb, I know finding just those three minutes each day will be a miracle. I find myself most drawn to pranayam techniques, as they can be practiced anywhere, anytime and the effects are immediate. Funnily enough, this is exactly what I tell so many of my clients to do! 

Now that I’ve jumped back on the wagon, I can see that this was all part of my perfect journey. I am a better student, better teacher, and better human for it. I have more compassion for my humanness than ever before. 

. . . . . . . . .

"It is very graceful, very essential, very human, and very divine when you accept yourself. What is this game you play? You want to be perfect? What is perfect? Perfect is dead. Seen/unseen, existent/non-existent; when all the polarities come to the neutralized Self, that is perfect. We are vibrating people. We are perfectly imperfect and imperfectly perfect." Yogi Bhajan

As I navigate this journey of pregnancy and motherhood, I am shifting slightly the way I offer my one-on-one sessions. Moving forward, I am only allowing a maximum of four clients each month. Each session is sixty minutes long: the first thirty minutes spent practicing hand-picked Kundalini Yoga practices to serve your intentions, lifestyle, and needs, while the last thirty minutes are spent in dialogue as we create your daily practice and go over any questions or concerns you may have. Following the session, you have access to me daily via text/email for forty days as you begin your own journey to self-mastery, prosperity, and radiance. You also receive a FREE COPY of The Sacred Self-Care Journal, a powerful tool to help you deepen your commitment, focus your intentions, and connect with yourself throughout this transformative experience. The Sacred Self-Care journal includes writing exercises for manifestation, 30+ other Kundalini Yoga practices for you to try, special Full and New Moon spreads, as well as daily, weekly, and monthly check-ins. To book a session, email me at RITUALRADIANCE@GMAIL.COM.


A Valley Of Hardship | Thoughts On My First Trimester

The first trimester was, for me, quite rough. As grateful and excited as I was to embark on the journey of pregnancy and motherhood, I couldn’t deny the fact that I felt like crap from the moment I awoke until I drifted off into sleep. I knew about fatigue and morning sickness, I was aware that it didn’t only occur in the morning. Yet I hadn’t ever imagined that it would be a persistent nausea and dizzying lack of energy that lasted all day, everyday, for two-and-a-half months straight. I tried to romanticize it in my head, telling myself that it was a luxury to lay around all day. The truth was, I missed getting to work. I missed doing hours of yoga and meditation. I missed cooking, going on hikes, even cleaning my apartment. I missed eating the way I used to, before nausea saturated every meal and the moments in-between. Listening to my body’s needs, I stopped taking on clients, stopped teaching my weekly classes, and stopped sharing on social media. It was good for me, this level of slowness and stillness. Even still, I battled against it almost-daily, guilting myself for being so lazy, leading to me feeling bad about guilting myself in the first place. I was intensely grateful that I had a life flexible enough to accommodate these crazy body shifts, but beyond ready to move past all of this and begin feeling like myself again. 

It was interesting, though, to observe my thought patterns during this time. I realized that I still equate my success with my level of busy-ness. As someone who has been actively building a business for over two years, laying around all day made me feel like a total failure. Unable to cook or clean, fears arose that my husband saw me as a burden and was secretly resenting me.  My silence on social media brought up worries that others would forget about me and my work, that when I did return, no one would care or be interested in me. Of course, these thoughts and fears weren’t rooted in reality or the truth, they were rooted in my own insecurity and ego. So I allowed them, observed them, and opened up an opportunity to heal. When a limiting thought pattern came up, I let it. Fighting the thought pattern or trying to stop it was more draining energetically than letting it happen. But then I also countered it, lovingly, with the expansive truth: that I am successfully growing my first child in my womb, alongside my gorgeous, heart-centered business. My husband loves me more deeply than ever and actually wants to keep me nourished, comfortable, and healthy. My work is needed in the world and those who resonate with it will do so regardless of how often I post on social media. 

 photo by Austin Ferguson

photo by Austin Ferguson

Gratefully, the last several days have seen a gradual shift towards normalcy. My energy levels are rising, I’m working once again and earning more than I imagined, I’ve enjoyed cooking and hiking again. I even completed a course that I’ve been slowly working on for a year now, earning my certificate in organic skincare formulation and skin science. Truly, this is all with a newfound level of gratitude for my able-body, this journey into motherhood, and every single miracle life blesses me with — big or small. As difficult as this first trimester has been is equal to the strength I have gained as a result of it. We have these experiences not so that we can be defeated, but so that we can be victorious. And today, I feel absolutely victorious. 

 “For every beautiful thing, you have to pass through a valley of hardship. There is no liberation without labor.” - Yogi Bhajan

The Sacred Self-Care Journal

Sat Nam, kindred spirits! I am wildly excited to share this new offering with you all. THE SACRED SELF-CARE JOURNAL is a guidebook of over 30 potent, yet simple practices and writing exercises to carry you through every single day of the lunar cycle! Beginning with the New Moon, you'll have new writing exercises and yogic practices to use daily. 

This offering is perfect for anyone who is looking to cultivate a deeper connection to their soul + Spirit through devoted, daily practice. 

My vision for this offering was ACCESSIBILITY. I want everyone who wants these teachings to have them! I've made The Sacred Self-Care Journal a "by donation" offering, meaning you decide how much you want to invest in it. 

In celebration of this rich new resource, I'll be documenting my own experience using the journal daily, beginning this Wednesday, April 26th on the New Moon. Join me by downloading and printing your own copy! If you feel inspired to share your experiences on social media, I invite you to use the hashtag #THESACREDSELFCAREJOURNAL so that we may all witness and love on you!

Grab your copy and get ready for a truly transformative month! 

Singing | Shifting

 photo by Austin Ferguson

photo by Austin Ferguson

I stood in the dark, familiar wings of the stage and waited for my name. It was 2009 and I had mustered up all the courage in my being to audition for the school musical. For three years prior I had been taking theatre classes. At the time, it was my passion and my dream to be an actress. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I didn’t really feel talented. I certainly didn’t feel beautiful enough to stand on a stage and be stared at. And yet, there I was — on a stage, waiting to be called so that I could get judged for my worthiness and ability. 

When I finally heard my name, I felt frozen. Somehow I made it to the center of the stage. There were only a handful of people in the audience, most of them friends. The music started and it was all I could do to squeak. I sang as loudly as I could without crying, I was so nervous. I finished the song and retreated to the wings yet again, adrenaline rushing and feeling proud of myself. You didn’t do that bad, I thought, you’ll at least get a part in the ensemble. Afterwards, I questioned my friends for feedback. 

They reluctantly told me that they couldn’t hear me at all. 

And when the cast list was posted for the musical, even my most tone-deaf friend made the cut — but not I. I remember walking away from that tiny piece of paper taped to the wall, realizing I would never be an actress. That I just wasn’t good enough. I immediately gave up any dream of a career in theatre and placed myself behind the camera. Gratefully, I fell in love with photography — but that’s a story for another journal entry. 

Growing up, my mom was the singer in the house. She encouraged us all to be musical, but, as I grew older and developed self-consciousness and anxiety, I felt like there was no point in my singing because she was so much better. Why would anyone want to listen to me when they could listen to her? I often sang only very softly if at all, unless I was alone. 

Fast forward to a couple years ago when I first practiced Kundalini Yoga. I was being asked to chant mantras I’d never heard or seen before out loud in a group setting, with people I barely knew. When practicing alone in my home, I would chant with fullness and depth. In class, I struggled yet again to be at all audible. I didn't understand it then, but I was totally resistant to being seen or heard out of fear of reliving my rejection from many years ago. 

And yet, gradually, something in me shifted. As I kept up with my personal, daily practice of singing/chanting, I became more confident, secure, contained, and radiant. I could finally sing in class without becomingly overwhelmingly nervous and self-conscious. It felt so freeing to be fully expressed in a way I’d always wanted to be.

 photo by Austin Ferguson

photo by Austin Ferguson

Of course, as with all things, it is a practice. Despite how far I’d come, I experienced a fresh wave of insecurity when I began working with clients and teaching classes. It was one thing to sing along with the group, an entirely other to lead the group with all eyes on me. The first few times, my voice shook. But I still saw it as a victory and I kept going. Kept singing. Kept expressing. And again, it was a gradual shift. But it was a real shift, not a temporary or superficial one. 

Today, I actually enjoy singing with fullness, depth, and projection, both in class and in life! I still have the self-doubting thought patterns arise, I simply choose not to subscribe to that channel, so to speak. The wonderful thing about chanting/singing mantra is that you’re using a mantra, which is a tool to retrain the mind. Allowing the mantra to cut through any block and staying devoted to my fullest, highest expression gives me the energy to keep up when my mind tells me that I’m not worthy of being seen and heard. 

The truth is — your voice, your light, your presence, your medicine is needed now more than ever. If you are feeling called to create or offer something, know that it is because there is someone out there praying for it. Kundalini Yoga allows us to access and activate our infinite energy, highest potential, deepest radiance, and the destiny of our greatest fulfillment so that we can be of service to the world and manifest success on all levels. If you’re looking for support and guidance in creating your own daily practice (Sadhana), I look forward to connecting over a session.

From Skin-Picking to Self-Love

I remember my first pimple so vividly, even though it was over fifteen years ago. It sat on the right side of my chin, communicating from an early age that I was dealing with hormonal imbalance. Yet, instead of addressing that, I was schooled on how to deal with acne in an entirely different way. I was told to “pop it until it bleeds, then put an alcohol-soaked cotton ball on it for a few minutes. In a few days, you can just pick it right off!” Easy enough.

And so began my over-a-decade-long habit of picking my skin. 

From my point of view, picking away the scab was the necessary last step to getting rid of acne. After all, that’s what I had been told. Never mind that it didn’t actually work for me. Over time, the habit turned into a compulsion. I would catch myself running my fingertips over my skin, searching for a scabbed pimple to pick away. In my disillusionment, I felt like I could just pick away all of the acne. I remember getting my eyebrows waxed for the first time — the assistant joked that it would be great if they could wax away the acne. You have no idea, I thought. I had tried everything, even burning my skin with a lightbulb, to get rid of it. Everything except loving myself and letting myself heal. From my food choices, to my thought patterns, to my relationships, to my skin care — everything was toxic. And I just kept picking.

Of course, it didn’t work and all I gained from the picking was a scarred face. Not only had picking not cleared my skin, it had created a seemingly permanent reminder of the acne. I hated myself more than ever.

When I got really serious about my daily practice, I also committed to being real with myself about all of the ways I was engaging with self-deception. In this time, I realized that my habit of skin-picking was really a way for me to engage in low-grade self-hate. By picking my skin, I was both expressing my self-hatred and creating the sequence for more. 

Rewiring my brain not to subconsciously pick at my skin hasn’t been easy. Like I said, I’d been doing it since I was ten years old. It wasn’t enough for me to just decide to make the change. Even with all my conviction, I would still catch myself thoughtlessly picking at my skin throughout the day. I realized that I would have to first heal the part of me that hated myself, that caused the urge to pick at my skin. I would have to totally transform my relationship to myself.

 photo by Austin Ferguson

photo by Austin Ferguson

My path was a winding one — first delving into nutrition, experimenting with different diets, and learning how to eat intuitively and in joy; then moving into organic/biodynamic farming and understanding how to align myself with the earth and access my strength in service to the earth. Next came my dive into herbalism, which led me to stone medicine, and then parlayed into creating my own skincare. The big one, for me, however, came after all of this when I discovered kundalini yoga and meditation. When I took a break from mastering my studies and instead turned to mastering my self, everything began to shift in a very real, very quick way.

These are just a couple of the practices that have stuck with me and given me practical, grounded results. 

A devoted, daily practice (Sadhana).
Keeping a Sadhana will completely change, transform, and upgrade your entire life. I credit everything in my life to my Sadhana. It provides a cornerstone for my entire being and spiritual journey. It always brings me back to a state of pure, unconditional love for myself and all that is. 

 photo by Austin Ferguson

photo by Austin Ferguson

Not to mention, there are also some really incredible kriyas (yoga sets) and meditations within the Kundalini Yoga lineage that specifically address beauty, skin issues, and self-love! One of my first forty-day practices was a meditation said to make you radiant and beautiful. I didn’t fully believe it going in, but after forty days when I was noticeably more beautiful to myself and others at all levels of being, I was hooked. And not that we practice to receive compliments from others, but every time I did, I knew it was an opportunity to really cement that vision of myself in my mind that is so used to seeing myself as not good enough. 

Kundalini Yoga works directly with the nervous and endocrine systems to bring the body, mind, and spirit into balance. My acne largely was a result of hormonal imbalance and anxiety, so Kundalini Yoga addressed it immediately. Not only that, but it gave me the space to explore my own divinity, infinity, and oneness, which naturally led to feeling more confident in my own skin, supported by the universe, and connected to my inner beauty. 

If you’re seeking a devoted, daily practice but aren’t sure where to start, I would love to connect over a one on one session

A consistent, simple skincare routine.
For ages, I was obsessed with trying out every cream and cleanser I could get my hands on. I might’ve tried between one and three new products each day! It’s really no wonder my skin was in a constant state of inflammation, as it was always having to react to the next, new chemical concoction I was slathering all over it. Not to mention all of the toxic crap I was ingesting through food products, conventional body care and cleaning products, makeup, and more. Our skin really loves and appreciates simplicity and consistency. It gives it a chance to calm down, find balance, and move from reacting to regenerating. However, to really push through the blocks of self-hatred that come with skin-picking, I had to deepen my skincare routine past just the physical. What this means for me is that I recite affirmations and smile anytime I’m touching my skin during my skincare routine. I use a special rose quartz Gua Sha stone to massage my skin, activating it’s natural healing ability while infusing the entire ritual with love. Each day, I close my skincare routine by saying, “I love my clear, radiant skin!”. I say it with excitement, with joy, and with gratitude. I say it whether I am broken out like crazy or have a totally clear complexion. 

I also really suggest finding one or two really high-quality, multi-purpose products that jive well with your skin. People ask me all the time why I only make one skincare product right now when I used to make so many more. The truth is, I only need the one. And the same goes for many of my clients. I could make the other stuff and make money off of it, but there is something truly special about my Frankincense Beauty Balm that goes beyond the ingredients — although those are incredible, too. My skin has never been calmer, clearer, or brighter since I began using my balm consistently. It’s my cleanser, moisturizer (so important in the dry Colorado air), flyaway tamer, sometimes-perfume, scar healer, dry skin savior — my everything. And my skin loves it! Find what your skin loves and stick with it. 

PS: My Frankincense Beauty Balm was formulated to heal scarring from skin-picking and it definitely does! My skin no longer bears the scars of my past, which I am forever grateful for.

Moment-to-moment self check-in’s.
There are still times when I catch myself, lost in thought, picking at my skin. In times like these, I practice great compassion for myself. I don’t get down on myself or berate myself for the potential damage I’ve done. Rather, I tune in with myself and follow the thought pattern that led me to subconsciously start picking my skin so that I can be fully aware and begin shifting the sequence. Almost always, my mind will wander into self-consciousness and self-doubt right before I begin picking at my skin. When I become aware of the pattern and consciously subvert it, I then shower myself (and the spot on my skin I was picking at) with love. I bless the spot. I tell myself how beautiful and loved I am. I anoint the spot with some sacred Frankincense oil I love. I flip the script from self-hate to self-love. And over time, it becomes easier and easier to do so. 

Above all, may you experience yourself as truly, innately, purely beautiful and loved — because you absolutely are. Sat Nam. 


Setting Ourselves Up for Victory

I speak often about how important commitment and devotion is in my own life, so I naturally attract clients who are seeking to create more of this in their own lives and practices. The honest truth is: commitment and devotion can be incredibly difficult to cultivate. We are not alone, but no one else can do it for us. We must access and activate the strength, energy, and determination from within. Luckily, I have a few tips that I use on the daily to set myself up for victory.

 photo by Austin Ferguson

photo by Austin Ferguson

Create a Sacred Practice Space
Having a space of our own that is solely dedicated to practice is quite powerful. This area will be quickly charged up with all of the high-vibration frequencies of the mantras and the radiant energy we’re generating during our practice. Even if there isn’t a whole room, or even a corner to spare, you can still create a sacred space to practice in. Currently, I live in a one-bedroom apartment. My sacred practice and altar space is a corner in my living room. Despite the fact that it’s not a separate space and is actually moved through many times throughout the day, it holds its charge and feels more cozy and sacred than any other spot in our little home. This space can be transitional and it can be tiny! 

For parents of both children and animals, consider how accessible the space is to others in your household. I’m not bothered by others joining me in meditation but everyone is different! Create that boundary if it serves the practice. 

What should your space contain? Anything that taps you deeper into yourself and into the divine. There’s no formula for sacredness. All is sacred. My personal space includes a sheepskin, yoga mat, a marble altar with stones, feathers, and plant matter, and incense/candles. I keep it simple and minimal, as my space may need to be utilized at other times of the day.


Choose Only Practices That Excite You
This is a huge one. If I am excited about a practice, I can’t wait to get up in the morning and do it. During the day, I find myself thinking about it and how it’s shifting my reality. If there’s a mantra, mudra, or breath pattern that particularly resonates, I find that I naturally carry it throughout my day.

Before discovering Kundalini Yoga, I was a total flake. I couldn’t commit to anything for more than a day. And even after beginning to practice, my commitment wavered. It wasn’t until I found the practices that most resonated with my journey and intentions, the practices that set my heart on fire, that I discovered how devoted I could be. Many of my clients tell me that the more they practice the meditations and yoga sets from the sessions, the more they want to practice. It’s my favorite thing to hear, because it means that we’ve discovered a practice that is truly resonant and aligned with their path. Then, it becomes quite easy to keep up!

Oftentimes we pick up a new practice because it’s trendy or someone we look up to is doing it - which is completely doable and I definitely encourage experimentation. But if our reason ends there, then we likely won’t keep up with the practice. This is why I love offering Sadhana Sessions - in a single session, we learn and practice multiple different yoga sets and meditations to really feel into which ones are exciting to us. The practices that we love, we commit to. The ones we don’t absolutely love simply fall into our toolbox, should we wish to return to them later.

Something to consider here is the definition of an “exciting” practice. We have to keep ourselves (our egos) in check. My most beloved practice, reciting a Sanskrit poem called JapJi Sahib, has been going for 419 days. When I first started learning this long poem, I spent an hour every morning doing this practice. Now that I know it by heart, it takes me just twenty minutes (it’s a long poem — 40 stanzas!). There have been many, many days that I was not bouncing-off-the-walls excited to do this practice. But when I tap into my infinite self and see the temporality of that boredom as well as the potential shifts these practices can bring into my reality, I tap into my devotion. I tap into my determination. I tap into my grit. Which is powerful, transformative, and infinite. So, yes, we want to be excited about our practices. But we also want to be understanding of the human experience and see that boredom will come and we must push through it. It’s just another level of self-mastery that we’re working with. I love this quote about yoga, “The pose begins the moment you want to leave it.” That’s how I feel about my Sadhana. The times I really, really don’t want to practice, those are the times that I’m really practicing! And the choice we make in that moment has the potential to totally shift and upgrade the trajectory of our lives. So it’s worth it to stay committed. 


Prep Yourself
Morning person or not, it’s insanely helpful to get yourself set-up the night before. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid, pulling out my clothes for school the next day, prepping my lunch, getting my backpack together. It just makes the morning flow so much more smoothly! Nowadays, I prep for the morning by laying out my sheepskin with a cozy blanket (I love to get a wrapped up like a burrito for my Sadhana), set out the supplements I take in the morning, pull out the tea I’ll drink during meditation, set out the clothes I wear for my Sadhana, and anything else that feels relevant. If, for any reason, it feels messy or cluttered in/around my practice space, I clean it up the evening before. Doing this makes the morning feel easy, light, and fluid. 


Enlist a Friend
Having a friend hold us accountable can make all the difference! I offer to all of my clients to contact me daily upon completion of their Sadhana. In fact, this is one of the most valuable aspects of the offering! Those who do contact me daily after their daily practice get so much more out of it. Even when I can’t respond immediately and share in their victory in that moment, the simple act of sending me the message reconfirms the commitment and strengthens your drive. It’s all just reinforcement. 

I find that this works best for both parties when the person who is committed to a practice contacts the person who is holding them accountable and not the other way around. This means that your friend won’t be texting you daily to ask whether or not you’ve done your practice, as this only displaces your responsibility and keeps you from cultivating true self-reliance and commitment. Like I said, it often doesn’t even matter whether or not the person you contact gets back to you or not. The important thing is that you strengthen your commitment through sharing your victories with others. If my clients don’t text me one day, I won’t be emailing them about whether or not they’ve practiced. Again, this work is 100% up to us. No one else can do it! If a client misses a day, it generally only happens once. Because once it happens, once we fall off, we absolutely never want to have to start from scratch — again. And so we tend to keep up. Ultimately, I always respond to my clients and check in from time to time with those who aren’t contacting me daily, but that’s not so much a tool for strengthening commitment as it is for strengthening community.  


Have a Non-Negotiable
Setting a “non-negotiable” is something I truly believe in. A “non-negotiable” is simply a practice that we do, every single day, without fail. It is the cornerstone of our entire spiritual practice. It is meant to be simple. It is meant to be short (though we can always extend it if we so choose). This is because we will do this practice even if our home burns down. Even if we get sick — or if our children/partners do. Our “non-negotiable” practice is usually associated with an aspect of our experience that we are working to shift or master. The poem I mentioned above, JapJi Sahib, is my personal “non-negotiable”. In the last 415 days, I have traveled, I have gone through hell, I have been sick, I have been bored, I have been crazy busy like you wouldn’t believe. Through it all, I have done my daily practice. Now I see that it is always possible. If I can do a twenty minute poem daily, then anyone can do three minutes of breathwork or chanting. Because I really and truly was the flakiest person I knew, once upon a time. It’s almost impossible to put into words what happens when we practice a consistent meditation for an extended period of time. The best way for me to explain it is that it feels like home. It feels like warmth. Like infinite, divine grace. Like golden light showering my entire being. In this age, however, you must experience it for yourself to know it truly. 


If you’re desiring to create a Sadhana, a daily spiritual practice, but aren’t sure where to begin or what practices would best serve you, I would be honored to work with you one-on-one in a Sadhana Session. Find more information here. 

A Path to Self-Love

Growing up, it always felt easier to hate myself than to love myself. I was just a little too pudgy. My face constantly broke out. The boys I liked rejected me. I had only a few close friends. I was always desperately trying to change myself into someone who would be more lovable. I devoured books and took on the personalities of the main characters, looking for myself in each of them. I enjoyed studying theatre because it meant I could be someone else entirely — someone, I thought, who was much better than me. It seemed to come down to my appearance — if only I was more beautiful, everyone would like me and I would be happy. I picked at my face daily trying to scratch all the acne away. I coated myself in cover-up and accentuated my breasts in an effort to distract. But it never worked. I was keenly aware of my flaws and had a feeling that everyone else was, too.

As I got older, my acne calmed down some but never went away entirely. I became very cynical about love — I didn’t actually believe it existed, never wanted to be in a committed relationship, and used sex as a way to garner attention. I definitely didn’t love myself. College was the first time I was ever actually pursued by guys — which back then was my personal measure of my self-worth. Even though my confidence was boosted, it was still only barely there. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, oddly grateful for my near-sightedness as it kept me from getting a detailed look at my face. And of course, that extra fifteen pounds never seemed to go away. But I was dating my now-husband at the time, who took a nutrition course and insisted we shift our eating and exercise habits. I agreed, reluctantly at first, but the Capricorn (overachiever) in me took over and, eventually, I was treating my body better than I ever had. Because I was really into weight training, I stretched often. Everyone told me that I’d love yoga but I never could muster the confidence to go. I also knew deeply in my soul that I would love meditation (having suffered from anxiety through my teens) but just couldn’t get around to doing it — for no reason at all, except my own laziness. And so I worked on my physical body for a couple years, ping-ponging between loving myself and hating myself. A cleaner diet and regular exercise cleared up my skin a great deal, though I still broke out horribly on my period and from time to time. Even with the somewhat clearer skin, something always felt like it was missing. I didn’t know it then, but it was the self-love. I had been practicing the “fake it until you make it” method for self-love and confidence so long, I didn’t realize that I still didn’t really, truly love myself. It was entirely conditional and still largely based on my appearance.

Luckily, I wound up working on an organic farm as part of the tomato crew. All Summer long, amidst harvesting tomatoes for ten hours a day, we talked. I learned about manifestation, reiki, Wayne Dyer, moontime rituals + practices, yoga, and so much more from my co-workers. We listened to podcasts, shared books, and ate every single ripe-on-the-vine tomato there was to eat. At the end of the season, I began practicing asana yoga regularly. And very, very reluctantly, I attempted to meditate. I started with a twenty minute manifestation meditation from Wayne Dyer, but just wasn’t excited about it and, because of that, it didn’t work for me. Looking to invoke abundance in my life, I stumbled upon a three minute Kundalini Yoga prosperity meditation and felt a strange pull. At the time, my husband and I were back in Texas, living with my mom. I made very little money from my Etsy store, was killing myself doing volunteer work for an online community in hopes of someday earning money for it, and spent my days bored. I figured I had no excuse not to spend three minutes of the day meditating on increased prosperity. So I did. 

Within weeks, I had an opportunity to attend a Kundalini Yoga retreat and, through the meditation, I manifested the money to make it happen. After the retreat, spending a week steeped in the teachings, I had accessed enough energy within myself to commit to a Sadhana, a daily spiritual practice. I chose a practice that was well-known to make you radiant, and, with hopes of becoming beautiful, set out on the path that has led me to this moment. I didn’t become beautiful, because I realized that I cannot become something I already am. Instead, I cleared away all of the subconcious, self-sabotaging, programmed bullshit that had been blocking my light and keeping me small for my entire life. And today, I absolutely experience myself as more beautiful as a direct result of this practice. But, like I said, it didn’t make me beautiful. It made me me — which is inherently beautiful. Learning to see my own true beauty was the path to loving myself for real, no more faking it! Witnessing my own divinity, grace, beauty, magnetism, radiance, wisdom, strength, intution, and vibrancy on a daily basis (through my Sadhana) has given me this gift, the one thing that was missing for so long. Of course, like all things in life, it’s a practice that I work with moment to moment. Thankfully, though, I have the tools, wisdom, and energy to stay on this golden path and in love with who I truly am. 

“Your wealth will increase, your values will increase, your projection will increase, if you simply love to live, just love yourself and live yourself.” Yogi Bhajan


I particularly love this powerful mirror meditation practice. It works to self-hypnotize into a state of compassion and love for our divine, complex beings. We are already hypnotized by our past experiences, familial and societal conditioning, and media — this practice allows us to break that spell and re-wire ourselves to see the inherent beauty we all possess. 

PRACTICE :: Stand naked, in front of a full-length mirror. Stare into your own eyes. Repeat the mantra, “I am bountiful, blissful, beautiful. Bountiful, blissful, beautiful am I.” Practice for one to eleven minutes daily. I personally use this practice in my skincare ritual, repeating the mantra whilst massaging Frankincense Beauty Balm into my skin with a Rose Quartz Gua Sha to promote radiance, healing, and self-love at all levels.

"If you feel just one thing in your life—that life is nothing but the gift of God—you are divine and the most courageous person. Try it! Try it as a thought. The moment you feel that life is a gift, you’ll become prosperous." Yogi Bhajan

The Mental Bodies


Lately my mind has been on the Mental Bodies. The negative mind, positive mind, and neutral mind are three of the ten Light Bodies (read more about the Light Bodies here). They work together, in or out of balance, to process the millions of thoughts we each experience in each blink of the eye. Our negative mind, also known as the protective mind, is where you get your ability to discern: what opportunities are beneficial and which are potential harmful? It protects us from danger without limiting opportunities of healthy risk. The positive mind, also called the projective mind, is where we get a sense of hope. Our positive mind is our inner-cheerleader, always looking for the positive aspect in any person or situation. The neutral mind is, of course, neutral. Also called the meditative mind, it exists beyond polarity and is deeply connected to the heart chakra. The primary function of our neutral mind is to guide the decision-making process, working with both the positive and negative minds. 

Most of us move through life with imbalanced Mental Bodies, strongly leaning towards the positive or negative, sometimes never activating the neutral mind. An over-developed negative mind (and, therefore, under-developed positive mind), can immobilize us out of fear, because we can only see the downside of the situation. We become cynical about the future and stressed out. On the flip-side, an over-developed positive mind and under-developed negative mind leads to foolish choices and being overly-optimistic about situations that may be potentially harmful. It causes us to over-promise and under-deliver. 

When a thought is produced, it moves first into the negative mind (the second Light Body), then into the positive mind (the third Light Body). It can vacillate between these two Mental Bodies without ever entering the neutral mind (the fourth Light Body), creating indecision and an inability to see what truly is. However, if our neutral mind is activated, balanced, and strong, we can make choices that always bring alignment with destiny.

“You have three minds: negative, positive and neutral. A person who does not deal with the neutral mind—even with all the wealth—shall not prosper and can’t be happy, because negative and positive cancel each other. It is the neutral mind which becomes the intuitive force in you.”
- Yogi Bhajan

For a few months now, I’ve become increasingly aware of the way my own Mental Bodies are working. As I studied my own behavior and thoughts, I realized that the faster I reacted to things, instead of gracefully and consciously responding, the more often I made choices from my negative mind. Which makes sense as our thoughts are first processed by the negative mind. In reacting hastily, I didn’t allow my being the time to move the thought through the negative mind, into the positive mind, and then into the neutral mind. I was short-circuiting my own capacity for grace by creating very little time and space between the stimulant and the response. 

This is one of the reasons why it’s so essential to have a daily practice: In meditation, we create more space within time and within ourselves. This is why five minutes of practice can feel like ages if you’re not used to the experience of expanded consciousness. With more space, we have more choices, more freedom, and a greater capacity for compassion and grace. Naturally, things become less tense and pressure-driven because our capacity for stress is expanded (as well as our capacity for joy, abundance, success, etc.). This means that we are less likely to feel as though we’re backed into a corner and react negatively or defensively. 

“In your life there will be good days and bad days, normal days and abnormal days, right days and wrong days, but you must understand that every day has to be followed by a night and every life has to end. Don't waste your life in reactions. You cannot make your life a reaction to others; you must make your life your own. ” - Yogi Bhajan

Using the teachings on the three Mental Bodies and the technology of Kundalini Yoga as a whole, we can create new sequences of behavior that are more aligned with our destiny and highest potential. These new sequences of behavior create a ripple-out effect, causing shifts throughout your life and the lives of those you relate to. The biggest, most significant thing you can do to balance your Mental Bodies and strengthen your neutral mind would be to start a daily practice, or Sadhana. This is a consistent spiritual practice, ideally done first thing in the morning. Committing to a Sadhana alone does wonders for your radiance and mental faculties. I’ve included a meditation to strengthen the neutral mind below, but doing any of the Kundalini Yoga kriyas or meditations will be beneficial to you. 

Meditation for the Neutral Mind

I invite you to become aware of your own mental faculties and the way they are working in your experience. Know that you have the power to make them work for you through activating and strengthening the neutral mind while balancing the positive and negative minds. Kundalini Yoga provides what I consider to be the most powerful, effective, and efficient tools for creating these shifts. If you are seeking guidance in creating your own daily practice, I so look forward to connecting over a Sadhana Session. I also offer private Kundalini Yoga sessions geared towards activating radiance and prosperity, which naturally works with the Mental Bodies as well as the other Light Bodies to stimulate success and wealth in all realms of experience. 

Sat Nam. 

Insecurity | Victory

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wished I was older. I started lying about my age in the 5th grade to attract older men. Of course, “older men” in the 5th grade is a freshman in high school. I was only ten but wanted so badly to be fifteen. I stopped growing around thirteen and loathed my 5’4 height, always hoping to make it to 5’5. I wore pounds of makeup, sexy clothing, and high heels regularly — sometimes changing after I got to school so my parents couldn’t object. I was absolutely neurotic. And it just continued… throughout my entire teenage existence. People always told me how young I looked and it always stung. After I turned twenty-one, I felt more at ease, like I had finally overcome this great obstacle of youth. Even still, I hadn’t fully healed this insecurity. 

When, about a year-and-a-half ago, I realized that I felt a deep calling to be a teacher, I was paralyzed. My mind kept repeating the words, You look like a teen. No one will be interested in hearing what you have to say. You’re young, naive, and will probably end up saying something stupid anyways. You have a super easy side-job that pays well — don’t mess with what isn’t broken. And I ate it right up. I went deep into my own personal practice and became more devoted than ever, but I still felt unworthy and unintelligent. As crazy as it seems, I would wish I was just a couple years older so others might find me more qualified. Staying in my practice, I naturally came to face this insecurity again and again, each time in hopes to heal it. 

Then, at the start of December, I had this incredibly powerful client meeting. I was creating a Sadhana (daily spiritual practice) for this gorgeous woman who is a cosmic channel. I end each session with a meditation, and close the mediation by singing a prayer called “May The Long Time Sun”. After I sang for my client, she told me that I became visibly radiant and had golden light shining from within. Then, she began unexpectedly transmitting messages for me, saying that I must not wait to share my light, my voice. That the resonance of my voice contained deep healing. When she stopped, we both began to cry from the intensity of it all. She hadn’t transmitted in years, by choice, and hadn’t intended to then. After we said goodbye, I felt saturated with love and wisdom, finally realizing that I had something beautiful, unique, and essential to share with the world. 

“When you become insecure, you goof. … Why be insecure? Breath is free! It is automatic! The Earth is rotating. You are living. If you are kind, compassionate, and caring, nothing can go wrong.” - Yogi Bhajan

Since then, I have devoted each and every day to stepping more into my power, my wisdom, my radiance, my grace, my nobility, and my role as a Teacher. And I continue to. Each time I feel insecure, I know that I simply am being called to push past my perceived limitations. In this realization, I can shift out of my fear and insecurity and into my infinity, expanded.

A couple of weeks ago, I signed a contract to begin teaching weekly classes in a community space. As I sat in the Uber on my way to meet the owner for the very first time, I began to get nervous. I suddenly started wishing I was older. But about three seconds in, I cut the thought with a beloved mantra, Ajai Alai. Each time the thought tried to resurface, I cut it with the mantra again. I reminded myself that even if it didn’t work out with this space, that it was still a victory, because I was taking the very first step on the path that I had to take. And it didn’t matter whether or not I wished I was ten steps ahead, because I was right here, at step one. So, I took the step, and I got the space. Stepping out into the cold Colorado air after the meeting, I felt more radiant than ever. After all the time spent worrying and wondering, for it to end up being so effortless — it felt both surprising and affirming. These practices really do work. Which is why I am so incredibly grateful to have them. And so powerfully inspired and excited to share them with you.

All my love. 


TODAY ONLY in celebration of my 25th birthday, I am offering 25% OFF with the code "SOLARRETURN". Includes all products and session offerings. Your support and love is truly the greatest gift.